quesrah: Archive

quesrah

February 2012

10 posts

January 2012

5 posts

Let the meat cake!

shitmystudentswrite: Mary Antwinet is famous for saying “let the meat cake.” She was a leader of the French revelation. She was very popular and fashionable until she died from guilty.

@broad - What do you like least about traveling? →

For all that I like being in new places, I don’t really like the process of getting there. When I’m in transit, I always feel like I’m going to lose something. Also, it’s hard to find the perfect shoes that a) will make you look like an Important Savvy Traveler Who Should Definitely Get A Free Upgrade To First-Class b) be comfortable for hours and hours of wandering...

December 2011

33 posts

FUCKYEAHLOST.com: How to Make a Peanut Butter... →

Jack 1. Gather ingredients 2. Point gun at ingredients and shout “HOW DO I MAKE A SANDWICH OUT OF YOU?!?!?” 3. Breathe heavily through your nose as though you were about to hit ingredients 4. Give up and make the sandwich yourself, and eat it bitterly Kate 1. Make separate sandwiches, one…

The Best Christmas Pageant Ever is the Best...

Gladys Herdman: HEY! HEY! Hey, unto you a child is born! It's Jesus and he's in the barn! Go on, go on up! Go on!

The Best Christmas Pageant Ever is the Best...

Beth: It's just going to be awful, you know.  We were already down there and saw them.  Mary and Joseph... they look like refugees or something.
Bob: Well, that's what they were.  They were refugees.  They were a long way from home, didn't have any place to stay, didn't know anybody.  They were probably cold, hungry, tired and messy.
Charlie: I don't know about cold and hungry, but they're sure messy.

The Best Christmas Pageant Ever is the Best...

Rev. Hopkins: I don't know... Jesus said "Suffer little children to come unto me", but I'm not sure he meant the Herdmans.

The Best Christmas Pageant Ever is the Best...

Imogene Herdman: She didn't even get to name her own baby.  I woulda named him Bill.
Ralph Herdman: What'd the angel do?  Just walk up and say, "Name him Jesus"?
Grace: YES!  YES!
Alice: *I* know what the angel said.  She said, "His name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, the Mighty God, the Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace."
Imogene: He'd never get out of first grade if he had to write all that down.

The Best Christmas Pageant Ever is the Best...

Hobey: I haven't got a costume.  I've never been a shepherd before.
Charlie: You have to wear your father's bathrobe.  That's what I have to do.
Hobey: He hasn't got a bathrobe.
Charlie: What does he hang around the house in?
Hobey: His underwear.

The Best Christmas Pageant Ever is the Best...

Grace: You know, you're all supposed to be in costume.
No Wings Angel: But I don't have any wings!
Balloon Sheet Angel: My mom doesn't have any white sheets!  Can I wear a sheet with balloons on it?

The Best Christmas Pageant Ever is the Best...

Claude Herdman: What's the name of this play? She never said.
Ralph Herdman: Christmas Pageant.
Claude: That's no name.  That's what it is.
Gladys Herdman: I know a name!  I'd call it... REVENGE AT BETHLEHEM.

The Best Christmas Pageant Ever is the Best...

Grace: ... and wrapped him in swaddling clothes and laid him in the manger, because there was no room for them at the inn.
Imogene Herdman: They didn't have room for JESUS?
Grace: Well, they didn't know he was going to be Jesus.
Imogene: Didn't Mary know?  Didn't he [pointing to Ralph as Joseph] know?  What was the matter with Joseph that he didn't tell them?  Her pregnant and everything.
Leroy Herdman: What's a manger?  Like a bed?
Grace: Well, no, they didn't have any bed in the barn, so Mary did the best thing she could.  What would you do if you had a newborn baby and no bed to put him in?
Imogene: We put Gladys in the bureau drawer.
Grace: Well, there you see.  You didn't have a bed for Gladys and so you--
Ralph Herdman: Oh, we had a bed.  Only Ollie was still in it and he wouldn't get out.  He didn't like Gladys.  Remember how you didn't like Gladys?
Ollie Herdman: *phbbbbbbt* *slaps Ralph*
Grace: A manger is a large wooden feeding trough for animals.
Claude Herdman: What was wadded-up clothes?
Grace: What?
Claude: You read about it.  "They wrapped him up in wadded-up clothes".
Grace: Oh, swaddling clothes.  Uh, people used to wrap their babies up tightly with big pieces of material.
Imogene: You mean they tied him up and put him in a feed box?  Where was the Child Welfare?
Gladys Herdman: The Child Welfare is at our house every five minutes!
Alice: There wasn't any Child Welfare in Bethlehem.
Imogene: I'll say there wasn't.  What's next?
Grace: Um... there were shepherds keeping watch by night and lo, the angel of the lord came upon them.
Gladys: SHAZAM! 
Grace: What?
Gladys: Out of the black night with horrible vengeance! The Mighty Marvel!
Grace: Gladys, I don't know what you're talking about.
Gladys: The Mighty Marvel, in Wonder Comics!
Grace: No, this is the angel of the lord who comes to the shepherds.
Gladys: Out of nowhere, right?  In the black night, right?
Grace: Well, yes, in a way...
Gladys: SHAZAM!
Grace: Who are my wise men?  Raise your hands.  Listen to this now:  There came wise men from the east, bearing gifts of gold, and frankincense and myrrh.
Claude: What's frankincense?
Ollie: I dunno.
Grace: They were special gifts.  Precious oils.
Imogene: OIL?  What kind of present is oil?  We get better presents in the welfare basket.
Gladys: I get it, the wise men were the Welfare.
Grace: No, um, no, they were sent by King Herod. 
Imogene: Wait a minute, who's he?
Grace: Uh, King Herod.
Ollie: What about him?  What'd he do?
Grace: Well, he sent them to find Jesus so that he could put him to death.
Imogene: He just got born!  They're gonna kill a baby!
Claude: Who's Herod in this play?
Grace: Uh, Herod isn't in the play.
Leroy: You mean, he's out to kill the baby and he isn't even in the play?
Grace: Well, no, he's uh--
Imogene: Well somebody better be Herod.
Grace: No, Imogene, we are going to do the pageant the way it is always done.
Imogene: Let Charlie be Herod.  And he says, "Go get me that baby" and they say, "Okay" because he's a king and all.
Ollie: But then they don't do it.  They go back and get Herod.  Take that, Herod, take that, Herod.
Charlie: I'm not going to be Herod.
Grace: No one is going to be Herod.
Claude: No, Joseph gets the shepherds and they go wipe out Herod.
Charlie: See, they're going to put Herod in and it's going to be me and I'll get killed!

The Best Christmas Pageant Ever is the Best...

Grace: ...into the city of David, which is called Bethlehem, to be taxed with Mary, his wife, being great with child--
Ollie(?) Herdman: What's that?
Ralph Herdman: It means PREGNANT! She was PREGNANT!
Alice: I don't think it's very nice to say Mary was *pregnant*.
Beth: Well, she was...
Alice: It's better to say she was "great with child".  I'm not supposed to talk about people being *pregnant*, especially in *church*.

The Best Christmas Pageant Ever is the Best...

Grace: Now that we've taken care of the shepherds and the angel choir, let's settle down a minute and think about Mary. She was quiet, and gentle and kind. So the sort of girl we want to play Mary needs to be that kind of person.

Imogene Herdman: I'll be Mary. And Ralph over there? He'll be the Joseph.

The Best Christmas Pageant Ever is the Best...

Grace: I have to direct the Christmas pageant.
Bob: Hmm, you have my sympathy.
Grace: Is that all?
Bob: No, you can also have my bathrobe for a shepherd.
Grace: And?
Bob: Nope, that's it, Grace.  Sympathy and a bathrobe.

The Best Christmas Pageant Ever is the Best...

Alice: Call the police.  Then they can put Ralph in jail.
Beth: Alice, nobody's going to put the Herdmans in jail.
Maxine: Because they're kids.
Beth: No, because they'd burn down the jail.

November 2011

42 posts